A warm, heartfelt, HUG to tell someone you love them, and you see them

You know, even someone who is in the business of staying positive has difficulties, at times, staying positive.  Sometimes I wonder if what I do is worth it, is it touching the right people, am I targeting the right crowd; and then the phone rings, a message comes across, or a text breaks in.  I have to believe it does, I have to tell myself that I make a difference no matter how difficult the day gets.  Geeze, this staying positive stuff is WORK.  The bible reads: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, ESV) Easier said than done right?  Today I saw a friend, a true kind spirit, and her heart was broken from losing someone she loved.  I had no words of inspiration for her, nothing I could say could ease her pain, no quotes of scripture could shadow the inner hurt she had.  The only thing I could offer her was a hug, no words, just a hug to convey I love you, I am thinking about you, I see your pain.  I told her I was sorry, and I left just as quickly as I came.  I know and love this family; they have been some of the nicest people to me growing up; and I will miss this person even though we had not spoken in months.  So, when you think all is lost, when you think that your pain is unbearable and you hate to continue on, please think again.  Today was not guaranteed yesterday, and tomorrow is not guaranteed today. And then I think, “you know…………… sometimes there are no words for a situation, sometimes nothing needs to be said, the problem can’t be resolved in text, or through experience, sometimes the best answer is a reassuring, heartfelt HUG.”

PS – I am a hugger, so if you’re in the vicinity, and I haven’t seen you in a while,{{}}

Thank you ALL.

      I just want Thank, collectively, everyone who sent me birthday wishes this year.  I am very grateful to have so many friends who took a little piece of their time, and spent it on me.  I will be the first to admit, I have not always celebrated my birthday, and was in a place in my life 3 years ago, I dreaded the event even come around.  It is amazing how sooo very many positive things have happened in my life since then.  I rededicated my life to Christ, got baptized, my friends have grown exponentially, Kaleidoscope has its own faithful followers, I married the most amazing woman, I am closer to my family, I have a yard full of ducks, chickens, turkey’s and geese, and I enjoy every single day, doing what I do.  Yes, I may be a year older, I may be a little slower moving, but I haven’t stopped living, and today I have more to be grateful for than I ever have had.  I can’t imagine where I would have been had God not delivered me from evil 3 years ago, and he still works on me today.  Older? How about “more experienced at life and love.” And I’m just getting started………………………………….

Depression - The Battle Inside You

      Some days are easier than others.  I only wish that those who do not understand depression could take a peek inside, and see what we see.  Unfortunately you will not, we won’t let you see this.  It will be hidden behind a smile, it is hidden behind laughter, it is hidden in silence, it is hidden in loneliness; it hides in all the places you won’t look. But for us, it’s around the corner, it has no reason, and before you know it, you are consumed by it.  It tells us that we are useless, it pulls out our innermost fears in the most unsuspecting places, it takes us from running at 100% to nothing, it drains your energy, and leaves you exhausted, it tells you that you are alone when you are surrounded by friends.  Want to know how it feels to suffer from depression? We’ll never let you………….  Funny thing about depression – those you know that have it – you’ll probably never know they have it, because they would never wish it on anyone. It is a darkness that is kept hidden away, and not a place for the faint at heart, and those who survive are WARRIORS, we are not weak – we fight a battle you don’t see, and we won’t tell. KV

Unanswered Prayer

Unanswered Prayer - 

    A typical night at my house ends with me saying a silent prayer just before I go to sleep.  These days, I do a lot of praying for other people, relationships, health, my future, and my family.  However, this has not always been true.  Even through addiction, I prayed. The prayer I prayed every night for about 2 years was the most selfish prayer I can imagine, but it was genuine at the time, and I will share it with you.  My prayer was rehearsed, and always began the same; “Dear God, please take me in my sleep, please do not let it be painful, and take care of my family after I am gone.” The end was a little different every time as I would add whom I was praying for at the time, and typically I would fall off to sleep only to wake up in the morning with the first thought being; “I guess last night was not the night for my prayer to be answered.”  See, today I am most grateful for unanswered prayer.  I know now that he knows, he knows every hair on my head, so he knew that my time was not up, and today I look back and feel as though he had other plans for me. One of the most horrible realities of addiction is the feeling of worthlessness. I was in a horrible relationship where I was tore down every chance the person I was with had; I was an addict, as was my wife at the time.  No matter how I tried to get sober, the presence was all around me, and I felt my only was out was for God to remove me from the situation.  Of course he had other plans on how to accomplish this, and keep me living and serving him by witnessing to others.  Being laid off, and my wife at the time, kicking me out was a blessing that was unrealized, it did not ruin my life, it made my life better.  So, yes, I am grateful for unanswered prayer because if he had answered it, you would not be reading about this HUGE blessing.  Keep the addict close to your heart in prayer, pray for them often, because they need that support.  And when God doesn’t answer your prayer, don’t be discouraged, there may be a perfectly good reason – or maybe God has a different plan than you. KV

ADDICTION - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

     Are you lost? Are you reading this because you know there is more out there to life, but don’t know how to get it? Are you stuck in the house because going outside and facing reality is more than you can handle?  Have you lost friends and family because you have an addiction problem?  Or are you one of those who doesn’t have a problem?  It’s everyone else’s problem……. You are losing everything in life because of everything else except addiction?  Maybe this doesn’t apply to you, you are only reading this because it’s a stupid opinion, and you just can’t tear yourself away from reading it? Or could it be YOU. Could it be you have had a lot of loss in your life, and you resolve to extinguish the pain by self-medicating?  Here is some news I want you to hear, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!! No, you are not alone.  There are millions out there with a story much like yours, but not yours.  Some stories are less severe, and some stories are worse.  Some stories of addiction come from the walls of rehab, and some stories come from the wall of prison, and yet some are carried to the grave too soon.  Some people never tell their story, others shout their stories at the top of their lungs – but no one hears it.  Is this you?  Are you reading this right now because you have lost you? Addiction is cruel, it makes you question yourself, question others, it makes you question life – and your place in it.  Addiction is not fun, and getting drunk or high is not an enjoyment, it is a necessity.  As your body shakes, your head hurts, your hands tremble, and your thoughts wander; you begin to wonder if this is all there is to life.  Is this you? Is this all that’s left? You look around to find your friends, but the only friends you have are users and have no intention of helping you quit something they are addicted to as well.   Have you reached the “I don’t care” phase yet? I don’t care what others think, I don’t care how others see me, I don’t care that no one cares; I know who I am.  But do you? Do you know who you are?  Are you even you anymore? Who are you?  At first your addiction was a choice, something you enjoyed doing on the weekends, you enjoyed doing it with your friends; but that time has changed.  You do it when you are lonely……….. the drug has become your friend, it’s why you don’t need anyone anymore.  You are not you any longer, you are someone you never meant to be, someone you said you’d never become, someone who laughs at death because you can see death from where you are sitting.  But again, I say to you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You still see your friends having fun, but they too are where you are, they just don’t speak about it.  They too see death from where they sit, but do not talk about it.  Addicts are lonely, the loneliest people I have ever known, yet they will deny it, stating they have friends, their friends listen to them.  Your right, they listen to you, because they live the same lie you do and their best friend is their addiction. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, seek help – you have to want to start living and want stop dying.  Questions? Ask someone who has scrapped their teeth on rock bottom and lived to tell about it.  I don’t want to tell you my story, I want to help you write a new chapter in yours. TEXT (618) 203-4072, visit https://kaleidoscopelifecoaching.org/, check out https://www.facebook.com/KaleidoscopeLifeCoach, and if you don’t do that…………………………… DO SOMETHING!

Life is not easy

If you haven’t heard yet, let me, let you, in on a little secret.  Life is not easy, it is not a walk in the park, and you are not guaranteed ANYTHING.  And this is not for the faint at heart; but if you are called to work for God, it doesn’t get easier, it gets harder.  For the past 2 Sunday’s, in 2 different churches (not connected), I listened to 2 sermons with the same message.  Following Gods calling, and in this I can relate.  Every single day, “EVERY SINGLE DAY” I get this innate urge to put the computer away and go dig for jobs.  Having a job would be the easy solution to financial gain; and yet there is a voice that tells me to continue writing.  A calling? The more I work on Kaleidoscope, the more it grows and the more people it touches. Some of the people I get to know one on one, and others I only see by looking at website traffic.  God pulls us in many directions, it may be to serve as a nurse, to do good work by fixing the roads our loved ones travel, it could be to help feed those who need food, it could be to teach our children; whatever it is, there is a pull to do that work.  I am a recovering addict, and I can’t think of ONE reason I still walk on this earth other than to serve Jesus Christ.  Not one other reason makes sense. Every time I try a new job, I meet people who struggle through life with some sort of addiction, and I am able to speak to them.  Why? God saved me; and he wants me to show that others can be saved too; it’s as simple as that.  No, you don’t have to preach the word, you don’t have to become a missionary, you don’t have to spend the rest of your life working with those that have your same issues, but you do need to follow what God has planned for you (you will know it when it happens, it is not written on the a wall, but it will hit you like a ton of bricks).  No, there is no golden door pointing you in the right direction of happiness ever after, but there is a book, the Bible, that is there to guide you on your path.  Me, I do what I am supposed to do, and every day I come to my computer to spread the word that Jesus Christ lives, he guides me, HE SAVED ME, and although I may not understand every move, I know that he leads me.  No, life is not easy, and No it is not easy to walk in Faith; but when you get it, when you truly understand, you will never be the same.  You will never run from a challenge, you will drop to your knees and praise him in the toughest times.  If you want a piece of what I have, sobriety and peace, then get sober and walk with me.  Never give up on you, and never let anyone help you give up on yourself.  This side of life is not easy, but it is much better than it was. KV

The man I want to be

The man I want to be:

                The other day I was sitting at the SIU arena watching my youngest daughter playing basketball with the SIU Saluki girls’ team, and I was proud of her.  She was stepping out of her comfort zone, and I was witnessing her have her own little transformation, being the independent lady she wants to be.  As I was watching a little boy, 2 years old, walked up to my wife and put his little hand on her leg and looked up at her.  She spoke to him, and kindly looked over to his grandparents and gave them a reassuring smile as if to tell them it was okay, we got this.  Not long, he made his way around to me and stood in front of me and lifted his arms up as if saying, “I’m ready for you to pick me up now.”  I reached down and lifted him up on my lap, and again I looked over to give the grandparents reassurance that all was well, and that I got this.”  Just like a pro, like I had never missed a beat bouncing my daughters on my lap, I began the knee bounce, and he smiled at me.  I look back on that moment and think, “That is something my dad would have done in a second, with no thought.” Then I think, you know, I AM becoming the man I want to be.  I am becoming the loving, kind, caring soul that my dad showed me how to be.  It is hard to be proud of myself, but I had to pat myself on the back a little.  I am becoming the man I want to be, and I had a GREAT teacher and role model, I had my DAD.  I walk in the light of Jesus Christ, and there is something (no matter how small) to enjoy each day in a world filled with doubt, fear, and hatred.  Thank you God, for sending this little boy down the aisle to raise his arms up and show me that I am man enough to lift him up, and make him smile.  He will not remember me, or the short time we had with little laughs, but I will never forget the huge impact this little man made on me; much like the impact made by my Dad.  Happy Father’s day DAD, thank you for always taking time to reach down and pick me up.

Kindred Spirits

Kindred Spirits.

Pastor David Rogol writes, “The apostle Paul calls Timothy his ‘dearly beloved son’ (2 Tim 1:2). There is something special about this relationship between these two Godly men. It seems that Paul was a sort of spiritual father to Timothy and, thus, a father/son-like relationship developed. But Paul led numerous people to a saving belief in Christ, not just Timothy. Nevertheless, Paul calls Timothy his ‘dearly beloved son.’ So there was something special here. They were kindred spirits.”  When I think of Kindred spirits, I think of someone whom I met and almost automatically I have a connection with on level you don’t typically have with a complete stranger.  A person with whom you are drawn to, have a connection with, and relate to on a completely different level than a friend; perhaps even on a spiritual level.  I believe a kindred spirit could be your wife or husband, but I do not believe it is kindred spirits have to be in a romantic relationship.  Personally, I have a few kindred spirits, and the ones I do have already know who they are; and therefore there is no need to point them out, and THAT is the benefit of a kindred spirit.  The connection is on a whole other level.  Pastor Rogol goes on to talk about finding your kindred spirit; but I am under the belief that your kindred spirit will be delivered to you, and you will know when it happens.  I think you should embrace kindred spirits, and believe that nurturing the relationship between the two of you could be most enlightening.  Personally, I believe kindred spirits can come into your life to stay, and then there are kindred who come to visit; possibly at a time in your life that you needed that relationship, that closeness, that few others can fulfill. I am lucky…… My wife is ONE of my kindred spirits.  It’s not like she knows what I am thinking all the time, but there are times when I need her closeness, and then she calls, writes me a note, and puts her hand on my back to let me know she is there just when I need it.  So, if you have a kindred spirit, keep them close – they can be a true blessing.  Do you have a kindred spirit?  How does that relationship affect your life?